Saturday, July 12, 2008

A Christian View of Sex and the Imagination

Redeming Eros:A Christian View of Sex and the Imagination

H.L. Mencken once defined a Puritan as, "somebody who was desperately afraid that somebody somewhere might be having a good time." Unfortunately, that is the impression many people have about evangelical Christians, particularly when it comes to our views on sex.
David Wayne has a series of posts in which he tries to dispel that false notion. But he does find that the misperception contains a kernel of truth:

Although Christians believe that sex is good the negativity with which we talk about sex really prevents us from gaining a hearing in the world today. I think that, rather than merely telling people that sex outside of marriage is bad, we should be saying something along the lines of "sex is so good within marriage that you are foolish to waste it outside of marriage." I know that sounds like semantics, but it has a more positive spin.

Part of the problem with getting a message like that across is that many Christians probably really don't believe that in their hearts. They may say it, but their actions belie their words. Although my little slogan up there about sex being so good in marriage may sound nice and just like the thing a pastor should say, I realize that many people in the church don't really believe that in their hearts. This is why there is so much use of pornography and so much sexual activity outside of marriage.

David is absolutely right. While most Christians would claim that they believe the Biblical view of sex and that true sexual fulfillment can only be found in marriage, our actions show that we don't really believe that to be the case at all. Many of us secretly harbor a suspicion that somebody somewhere really is finding both fun and fulfillment while being sexually promiscuous.
The key to understanding the reason for our inability to act as we claim to believe can be found in Jeff Clinton's post on belief formation:

To believe something, one must be able to entertain the possibility that the belief might be true. It must be part of your plausibility structure. A plausibility structure is the set of ideas of that a person is willing to entertain as possibly true. It is largely a function of the beliefs a person already has.

The claim that true sexual fulfillment can only be found in marriage is so foreign to our society's plausibility structure that even those with a biblical worldview have trouble believing it. We can hardly even imagine how such an idea could possibly be true because we refuse to even acknowledge the existence, much less the need for, a Christian to have an erotic imagination. But we do have erotic imaginations; we just haven't brought them under the Lordship of Christ.
Although art is the primary medium for feeding our imaginations, evangelical Christians have removed all erotic concepts from our artworks. We freely admit that, when taken on their own, both sex and art are good gifts of God. Yet we act as if combining the two produces a toxic mixture whose very fumes cause us to succumb to lust. We have become so disdainful of the idea that sex has a place in Christian art that many of us cannot even read the Song of Songs, one of the greatest works of erotic art, without trying to strip it of all but a "spiritual" meaning.
But unless we allow our imaginations to become completely atrophied, we will be influenced by both secular art and the base obscenities that are prevalent in our society. We are faced with a strict dichotomy: we will either be influenced by the unregenerate and often p0rn0graphic products of our culture or we will be shaped be art produced from a Biblically informed worldview.

If Christians are serious about restoring God's vision of sex and marriage then we must work to produce erotic art that is redemptive in character. We must change the plausibility structure by showing how erotic art differs from p0rn0graphy. In an address at Regent University, John Stuart Peck argues that the difference between erotic art and pornography, and the distinctive qualities of a Christian view of sex in art lie in the following:

(1) in the extent to which the dominant effect is to induce sexual arousal;(2) in the focus on the relationship involved rather than sexual gratification; (3) the degree to which it is redemptive and rescues our sexual life from improper exposure and from the idea that sex is an activity with no meaning beyond the physical experience.

Peck uses the example of the parable of the Good Samaritan to show how the plausibility structure can be changed by art:

Because Christians are under the inspiration of the cross and the resurrection and because of the fact that we worship a rescuing God, Christian art has to be something that sees itself as liberating people's imagination so that things which otherwise would be unthinkable become possible. I would suggest that you read through the parable of the Good Samaritan again as an example of that. The story actually liberates the imagination of the questioner, so that at the end he can actually visualize the possibility that a Samaritan might actually be a neighbor. In that sense, the story liberates him. Of course whether he wants to be liberated is another matter, but we're all up against that problem.

Indeed, we are faced with a culture that doesn't want to be liberated from its false notion that sexual fulfillment is contingent upon technique, experience, and variety rather than in a deep-rooted commitment and loving relationship. But Christians not only have the ability to change this plausibility structure, we have a distinct advantage: our beliefs are true.

We also have a responsibility to act. When we allow false views of sex to remain unchallenged we are providing a silent affirmation that we don't really believe what we claim. On this issue we not only possess the truth but have the means-our God given creative abilities-to shape the erotic imagination. Once we do that we truly can show society that sex is so good within marriage that it really is foolish to waste it on anything less.

Source - http://www.evangelicaloutpost.com

Saturday, July 5, 2008

The Doctrine of Regeneration

The Doctrine of Regeneration


Bill Ascol

The Bible doctrine of regeneration has suffered at the hands of its enemies as well as its friends. Its enemies marketed the doctrine in the 1970's after a Southern Baptist layman who was running for the office of President of the United States announced that he was a "born again Christian." Not long after this, many products on the market were described as "born again." Love songs spoke of feelings which were akin to "being born again." Actors and athletes alike were considered to be "born again" in their respective careers when they made a comeback of one type or another.

More tragic than that, perhaps, is the treatment that the Bible doctrine of regeneration has received at the hands of its professed "friends." In many Christian circles today experiencing "regeneration" (or "being born again") is simply something that happens when a person "makes a decision to accept Jesus Christ into his heart as personal Savior." Now it is certainly true that Jesus is the Savior, and that he saves sinners on a personal level. However, the idea that the experience of regeneration is a decision which every sinner ought to make and indeed every sinner can make is an idea which is seriously defective. The defects in this idea become increasingly clear when viewed from the vantage points of Biblical material, historic Baptist teachings, and the contemporary Southern Baptist position on this doctrine. Regeneration may be defined as that supernatural work of the Holy Spirit of God which is performed in the life of a sinner whereby the sinner is given a new heart, being brought from spiritual death to spiritual life, and is made able and willing to repent of his sin before God and trust alone in Jesus Christ to be his Lord and Savior.

The Bible and Regeneration

There are many texts of Scripture which teach us about this work of the Holy Spirit. Two particular Old Testament prophets, Jeremiah and Ezekiel, were led by the Holy Spirit to communicate the doctrine of regeneration in terms of what God will do. One such reference is found in Ezek. 36:26-27: "I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws." From these verses (and others like them--see Jer. 31:31-34, and Ezek. 11:19) it is easy to see that the force of the work of regeneration is bound up with God's initiating activity. It is also evident that the stony-hearted sinner will do nothing until God gives him a heart of flesh.

It should not surprise us that the New Testament writers are of one mind in their agreement with the language of the Old Testament writers concerning this matter of the new birth. For John, the only explanation for the fact that any "received Jesus" was that they were "born . . . of God" (see John 1:12-13). In fact, John categorically denies the possibility of a person being born again by virtue of a human decision when he states that these believing ones "were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God." It is John who records for us the teachings of Jesus on the subject when he instructs Nicodemus that the new birth is mysterious much like the movement of the wind, and that, furthermore, it is a supernatural work so that we must be "born of the Spirit." (see John 3:1-8).

Paul reminds the Ephesian believers that it was while they were still dead in their trespasses and sins that they were quickened to life by the supernatural work of the Holy Spirit in the new birth (Eph. 2:1-5). James asserts that our new birth experience must be traced back to the will of God (James 1:18). Peter exults that the new birth did not come to pass by the agency of anything corruptible, but by that which is incorruptible (1 Pet. 1:23-25).

It should be clear from this brief overview that the key Old and New Testament passages on the subject of regeneration do not teach that it is the decision made by a person to accept Jesus as personal Savior. The Biblical language forces the serious and honest student of Scripture to consider regeneration as a supernatural work of the Holy Spirit in the life of a sinner producing a change of heart that is the equivalent of being brought from spiritual death to spiritual life. Repentance and faith are evidences that this spiritual life has been planted in the soul of the individual. Some of this may happen in a manner that is beyond our comprehension, but those things which are comprehensible cannot be denied.

Historic Baptists and Regeneration

There is much talk today by people from all corners of the Southern Baptist denomination calling for the need "to return to our historic Southern Baptist heritage." That is a wonderful desire and a prospect much to be longed for. In order to do this, however, one must go back before 1925 (the year the Cooperative Program was initiated). Indeed, one must go back before 1845 (the year the Southern Baptist Convention was established). One must go back at least to the first Baptist association in the South in order to understand and appreciate what actually is the "historic Baptist position" regarding the doctrine of regeneration. The Charleston Baptist Association in South Carolina was organized in October of 1751. This body of Baptists in the South adopted for its confession of faith The London Baptist Confession of 1689. Later, in 1813, the association commissioned the printing of a book which came to be known as The Charleston Manual, consisting of The London Baptist Confession of 1689, A Summary of Church Discipline, and The Baptist Catechism. This association was the womb out of which the Southern Baptist Convention was born. Turning to their catechism we find the following instruction on the doctrine of regeneration (or, effectual calling, as they spoke of it):

Q. 32. How are we made partakers of the redemption obtained by Christ?
A. We are made partakers of the redemption obtained by Christ, by the effectual application of it to us [o], by His Holy Spirit [p].
o. Galatians 4:5 p. Titus 3:5-6

Q. 33. How doth the Spirit apply to us the redemption obtained by Christ?
A. The Spirit applieth to us the redemption obtained by Christ, by working faith in us [q], and thereby uniting us to Christ [r], in our effectual calling [s].
q. Ephesians 2:8r. Ephesians 3:17s. I Corinthians 1:9

Q. 34. What is effectual calling?
A. Effectual calling is the work of God's Spirit [t], whereby convincing us of our sin [u] and misery [w], enlightening our minds in the knowledge of Christ [x], and renewing our wills [y], he doth persuade and enable us to embrace Jesus Christ, revealed as the free gift of God to us, in the gospel [z].
t. II Timothy 1:9 u. John 16:8 w. Acts 2:37 x. Acts 26:18 y. Ezekiel 36:26 z. John 6:44-45
These brethren were followed by a great host of Southern Baptist statesmen who agreed wholeheartedly with the above statements concerning the nature of the new birth. A few excerpts will have to suffice.

James P. Boyce (first president of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, in Louisville, Kentucky): "It is not strange, therefore, that they [i.e. regeneration and conversion] are often confounded. Yet, after all, the Scriptures also teach that regeneration is the work of God, changing the heart of man by his sovereign will, while conversion is that act of man turning towards God with the new inclination thus given to his heart" (Abstract of Systematic Theology, p. 374).

John A. Broadus (distinguished professor of New Testament and successor to Boyce at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary): "1. Q. What is meant by the word regeneration? A. Regeneration is God's causing a person to be born again. 9. Q. Does faith come before the new birth? A. No, it is the new heart that truly repents and believes" (taken from Broadus' A Catechism of Bible Teaching, reprinted in A Baptist Treasury, pp. 67-68).

John L. Dagg (first writing Southern Baptist theologian; president of Mercer University in Georgia): "In our natural state we are totally depraved. No inclination to holiness exists in the carnal heart; and no holy act can be performed, or service to God rendered, until the heart is changed. This change, it is the office of the Holy Spirit to effect. . . . But, in his own time and manner, God, the Holy Spirit, makes the word effectual in producing a new affection in the soul: and, when the first movement of love to God exists, the first throb of spiritual life commences" (A Manual of Theology, pp. 277, 279).

B. H. Carroll (founder and first president of Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary in Fort Worth, Texas): "The true scriptural position [concerning regeneration] is this: There is, first of all, a direct influence of the Holy Spirit on the passive spirit of the sinner, quickening him or making him sensitive to the preaching of the Word. In this the sinner is passive. But he is not a subject of the new birth without contrition, repentance and faith. In exercising these he is active. Yet even his contrition is but a response to the Spirit's conviction, and the exercise of his repentance is but a response to the Spirit's conviction, and the exercise of his repentance and faith are but responses to the antecedent spiritual graces of repentance and faith." Carroll goes on to state that "repentance and faith are fruits of regeneration" (An Interpretation of the English Bible, Volume 4, p. 287).

J. B. Tidwell (professor of Bible at Baylor University in Waco, Texas): "Regeneration is a change of the soul's affections from self to God--an act of God by which the governing disposition of the soul which was formerly sinful becomes holy, 2 Cor. 2:17--this making us new creatures." (Christian Teachings, p. 54)

W. T. Conner (professor of Systematic Theology at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary): "This change [i.e., regeneration] is one that is wrought in the moral nature of man by the Spirit of God. Nothing but divine power could produce the change. . . . God's power works this change. . . . The man who experiences regeneration knows as well as he knows daylight from darkness that he himself did not work the change." (The Gospel of Redemption, p. 189)
Many more could be added to this sampling of Southern Baptist worthies who have taught in times past on this subject with Biblical faithfulness and crystal clarity. Though dead, truly they yet speak.

Contemporary Baptist Statements

One might be led to believe that the excerpts cited above reflect the beliefs held only by Baptists of days gone by, and that beliefs such as these went into their tombs with them. Such is not the case, however. In Southern Baptist life today two documents hold a high place of prominence: The Abstract of Principles and The Baptist Faith and Message. The Abstract serves today as the guiding doctrinal statement at the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville, Kentucky, and the Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary in Wake Forest, North Carolina. Every professor who teaches at these institutions must sign with a clear conscience The Abstract of Principles, agreeing to teach in accordance with, and not contrary to, its doctrinal precepts. As recently as October 4, 1984, the entire faculty of Southern Seminary unanimously reaffirmed The Abstract. Among other wonderful Biblical truths, The Abstract teaches the following on regeneration:
"Regeneration is a change of heart, wrought by the Holy Spirit, who quickeneth the dead in trespasses and sins enlightening their minds spiritually and savingly to understand the Word of God, and renewing their whole nature, so that they love God and practice holiness. It is a work of God's free and special grace alone."

The Baptist Faith and Message is a statement of faith adapted from the New Hampshire Confession of Faith. The Baptist Faith and Message has been vigorously reaffirmed by messengers to recent meetings of the Southern Baptist Convention, and presently serves as the confession of faith of very many local churches in the Southern Baptist denomination. In addition to this, it is the guiding document concerning doctrinal matters (subservient to the Bible, of course) for several Southern Baptist institutions and agencies. The article on regeneration reads as follows:
"Regeneration, or the new birth, is a work of God's grace whereby believers become new creatures in Christ Jesus. It is a change of heart wrought by the Holy Spirit through conviction of sin, to which the sinner responds in repentance toward God and faith in the Lord Jesus Christ."
ConclusionThe truth concerning the Bible doctrine of regeneration is the same today as it was when God the Holy Spirit taught it to the inspired writers of Holy Scriptures, and as it was understood by our Baptist forefathers who labored to the glory of God in the name of Jesus Christ within the confines of the Southern Baptist denomination. But then, that should not surprise us, because truth does not change. If the rank and file of Southern Baptists today do not embrace and impart the Bible doctrine of regeneration as set forth in this brief survey, then it must be either that they have not been taught or that they refuse to be taught.
Those who have not been taught need to be instructed. We must do all we can to teach this glorious truth to them for two reasons: 1) Their spiritual well-being depends upon a right understanding of this truth. 2) The task of mission and evangelism cannot truly advance apart from a proper understanding of this truth. Those, however, who refuse to be instructed in this way need to be identified as having forsaken the biblical and historic Southern Baptist understanding of this essential doctrine. Whether in the pulpit, the class room, the agency administrative office, or the trustee board room, it must be acknowledged that there has been a violation of doctrinal integrity when men (and/or women) teach an aberration of this vital subject concerning the new birth.
May our gracious God give to us a recovery of the glorious doctrine of regeneration, and may He then be pleased to teach us many divine object lessons by magnifying his grace in the salvation of a multitude of poor sinners.

Source-http://www.founders.org/journal/fj02/article2.html

Repenting of Porn Addiction (Part 2)


In my last post I gave a description of “repentance.”

In summary, when we look at 2 Corinthians 7:10-11, we can see the heartbeat of real repentance. Real repentance flows from a deeply felt grief that we’ve broken the heart of God, that we have offended Him. Real repentance produces:

  • an earnestness and diligence to move away from sin,
  • an eagerness to make amends and get to the root of the problem,
  • an indignation and hatred of the sin,
  • a fear and awe of the Lord that shakes us at our very core,
  • a longing and a thirst for God,
  • and a zeal and godly jealousy for worship of God alone, and to lay down our sexual and selfish idols.

My last point was that real repentance also involves changing the way we think about our submission to Christian community, the church. This last part of repentance is so important and so often misunderstood.

Christian Community

People often have had bad experiences in the Christian community. Perhaps they have been a part of a church where discipline took a bad turn: people in power took advantage of their position to spread gossip, slander or lies. Sometimes Christian community can be a place of condemnation or legalism.

If this is you, I am sorry.

Christian community was meant to be a foretaste of heaven, not the backwash of hell. Imperfect as Christians are, the church was meant to be a place where broken and repentant Christ-followers come together to share their one common experience: the new life they have all found in Jesus. These renewed people together are meant to foster a new family of compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience; a family of men and women who bear each other’s burdens in the midst of the painful process of transformation; a place where forgiveness is status quo for all relationships. Above all, the church is mean to bear the marks of love, peace, and deep gratitude. It is to be a place where the family of God can cherish the teachings of Christ together: a place where His words fill their daily conversations, their songs, and their prayers (Colossians 3:12-17).

Again, if that is not your experience, I am sorry. You are meant for this kind of church.

But if we are to have real repentance, we must look and pray for a church family that is striving to be like this, and then we must submit ourselves to that community. Let me outline the reasons why:

1. One of the roots of porn addiction is an unhealthy independence, self-centeredness, and pride.

I believe that when we peal back the layers of our heart, we will eventually find a root of pride that drives our focus on porn. This pride can lead us not only to the selfish pursuit of pleasures in pornography, but also can make us haughty, self-protective, and unapproachable—one who is not submissive to others, unable to be vulnerable with others, thus unable to love as Christ did.

I’m a newly married man, but one of the many things I have learned in a short time is that marriage is a yoking of one’s self to another in love, which will bring about a death to self. To be true to my call as a husband, to love my wife as Christ loved the church, I must lay aside my defensiveness and my selfishness, and serve my wife.

The same is true as we yoke ourselves to the community of the church. As we rub shoulders with others in the church, as we give them access to our lives, this brings about a process of death to our pride and self-centeredness.

Healing of our pride often begins with the first step of giving a few trusted people in the church access to our lives, giving them the right to rebuke us when they see a sinful pattern developing in us. Those who ignore wise correction are not on the path of true life (Proverbs 10:17); but if we submit ourselves to the teaching, correction, and rebuke of wise men and women in the church, we will gain understanding (15:32) and become wise (13:20).

2. God promises healing to those who confess their sins to one another and pray for one another.

“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective” (James 5:16). The church is meant to be a place of mutual confession and powerful, face-to-face intercession, yet today too few people can say they are in a Christian fellowship such as this. We need to dare to confess our darkest sins. We need to dare to hear the sins of others. This is real accountability. Certainly, we must choose who we confess to and how we confess, with discernment and wisdom, but we need not fear vulnerability. Our churches need to strive towards righteousness which brings about dynamic prayer and a power that will deliver each other from the grip of sin.

If your problem with pornography is the Internet, use accountability software and find one or two trusted people who will talk to you regularly about what you see online. For more information about accountability software, go to www.CovenantEyes.com

3. Close Christian community is one of the best tools God has given to expose the “deeper sins.”

I’ve been in a lot of Bible studies and small groups. These experiences have definitely had their place instructing me in the ways I should go. But there have been a precious few groups that have chosen to go deeper than merely teaching. The individuals in these groups chose to really know one another.

Hebrews 3:13 says, “But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called ‘today,’ that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.” There is a level of interaction the church is called to have that few have really experienced. We are called to interact with one another in such a way that we can give honest and helpful feedback to one another, feedback that helps one another see how sin is operating at the heart level. It is easy to point out obvious sins to each other. But our call “every day” is to engage with each other and try to understand the deeper issues.

For an excellent treatment of how to do this, I will refer the reader to Dr. Larry Crabb’s, Inside Out. This book is, without a doubt, one of the best books I’ve read on the subject of deep change that can take place in the heart.

4. The church is where God gives us spiritual fathers and mothers, mentors who can be used of God to shape our lives.

“Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. . . . Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:1-2). Consider what hope this passage brings to the young man or woman fighting with pornography temptations. We need those whom Paul called the ’spiritual’ to take on the ministry of restoration. In Paul’s day, this term “restore” (katartizo) was a medical term for setting a broken bone. In our sinful, fractured selves, the work of a truly spiritual person is to set right another’s broken thoughts and beliefs with the tenderness and wisdom of a spiritual doctor.

And who are the spiritual people with this task? They are those who have a track record of walking in the Spirit (Galatians 5:25), who have the lasting fruit of a Christ-like character (5:22-23), who have eagerly waited on the Lord for righteousness to bloom in their lives and have found Him faithful (5:5). They are spiritual leaders who hear God regularly, obey His voice, and effectively model intimacy with God. They are the true elders and leaders who are experienced in healing the hurts caused by sin (James 5:13-16). They may not hold the status of “elder” at a church (many do not), but they are a true mentor in the faith.

With the porn epidemic on the rise, we are in a critical hour for spiritual leaders to arise and gather the flock, to restore them in gentleness.


Source-http://www.covenanteyes.com/blog/2008/06/19/repenting-of-porn-addiction-part-2/

Repenting of Porn Addiction (Part 1)

I know all too well that there are no quick fixes: no easy tricks or easy solutions to porn addiction. Believe me, I’ve tried them. There were many times of desperation where my latest epiphany seemed like the missing link to my personal recovery. “This is it!” I thought. “This is the key to beating this addiction.” I’m not much for self-help psychology, but I was the first guy in line to buy the newest book about sexual healing to go to the addictions conferences, to tap into the power of prayerful meditation.

I don’t for a moment belittle these moments in my life. They were sincere moments of remorse. They were steps forward. These moments were footprints on the road to recovery . . . but they were only footprints, not monuments. As William Faulkner put it, “A monument only says, ‘At least I got this far,’ while a footprint says, ‘This is where I was when I moved again.’”

If you follow my footprints you’ll come to a spiritual answer, an answer that centers on Jesus Christ. Some of you are quite comfortable reading about that. Others are not. I understand if you aren’t. But please, understand: I would cheat you if I didn’t tell you what I know.

Oxford scholar CS Lewis once said: “I believe in Christ like I believe in the sun: not just because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.

In other words, Lewis didn’t just believe in Christ because the message and story of Christ was believable. He believed in Him because of how this faith made sense of all other areas of life and history. It brought synergy to the pieces of his life. In the same way, as I started to dive deeper into life with Christ, He shed great light on my brokenness and addictions.

The Key to Change: Real Repentance

When I say the word “repentance” different things may come to mind for different people. For some this word is too preachy and religious, so it is dismissed. For some, this is a very familiar word that sounds like, “Say you’re sorry and try harder.” When met with this kind of challenge some rise to the occasion: it means a renewed commitment to prayer, reading the scriptures, and faithful service in the church community. If you are like me, you hear “repentance,” and think, “Yeah, I’ve tried that. Do you know how many church altars I’ve been to? Do you know how many tears I’ve cried over this? Do you know how many renewed commitments I’ve made—and broken? Repentance is an empty word to me anymore.”

I understand your frustration. I do. When I was caught in the grip of pornography addiction there was a besetting misery in me each time I looked for answers. I knew I could not excuse my behavior like a helpless victim, but I felt helpless and utterly out of control. I became familiar with the smell of church carpet near the altar. I became familiar with the burn of fresh tears in my eyes. After a while, I began to lose my faith in the altar calls—i.e. my resolve to follow through in obedience after a night of gut-wrenching “repentance.”

The English word “repentance,” comes from the Latin poenitÄ“re, meaning “to feel regret.” It is where we get our word “penitence,” the feeling or expression of humble pain or sorrow for sins. Often the word “repentance” is used to translate the term metanoia in the Greek New Testament. Metanoia means to reconsider or rethink something, to experience a real change in one’s thinking. Real repentance is when a fundamental change takes place in someone’s mind and heart in terms of how one thinks about his/her sin. One begins to see the sin as God does—an offensive thing that both saddens and angers Him.

What is Real Repentance?

Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 7:10-11,

“For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death. For see what earnestness this godly grief has produced in you, but also what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what longing, what zeal, what punishment! At every point you have proved yourselves innocent in the matter.”

As we pick this passage apart, remember that it is God who grants repentance. It is not the work of the human heart that simply tries harder to repent.

Real repentance is (1) produced by godly grief. It involves grief: a deep mourning, a pain, a heaviness of spirit. But not just any grief: it’s a grief with a “Godly” or “Godward” focus, a grief that centers on the breaking of God’s heart. Many times the grief of our addiction comes from a feeling of deep shame and embarrassment of being caught in our sin. Sometimes our grief is a felt sense of emptiness or lack of comfort. Sometimes our grief is a sense of personal moral defeat. These may be natural and understandable sorrows over our sin, but they are not godly grief. Godly grief says, “I have hurt the heart of God. As painful as my sin is to me and my relationships, it first and foremost is a sin against the Lord.” It is like the prayer of repentance by King David, “Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight” (Psalm 51:4a).

Real repentance also produces (2) earnestness, a sense of haste, diligence, and effort. Simply put, when someone repents, he/she rushes to action; they do not simply sit in the feeling of grief.

Real repentance produces (3) eagerness to clear oneself, a desire to apologize and make amends. This requires a deeper look: what is the root of my addiction, and how has this sinful root caused other sinful problems? There was a time when I dealt with only the symptoms of my addiction, the visible manifestation of the deeper issues. I repented of viewing porn, but I was unaware that I needed to repent of deeper problems. I said “no” to porn but didn’t say “no” to other forms of lust, my chronic masturbation and lustful glances towards women. I said “no” to porn, but didn’t repent of my hard-heartedness towards God, my stubborn self-will, my obsession with and worship of my sexual appetites. I had said “no” to lust, but hadn’t given myself over to the fear and adoration of God.

Real repentance produces (4) indignation, a hatred of sin. Consider the cross of Jesus. For six hours one Friday, Jesus hung on a cruel Roman cross, and during that time experienced living hell, the complete absence of His Father’s loving presence, and instead He bore the curse of our sinful rebellion. God’s furious wrath was poured out upon His Son. For that moment in time, the Son of God carried the weight of our sin, and He drank the cup of God’s fury. Does this fact touch our souls? Does the thought of God’s wrath make us uncomfortable? It should. In the face of such wrath, the mountains melt like wax: how much more then the human heart?

Yet in the cross, Paul says, we have not only a revelation of God’s justice and wrath (Romans 3:23-25), but a picture of God’s great love and kindness (Romans 5:6-8), the love of One who would come and die for ungrateful people. And “God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance” (Romans 2:4).

We never graduate from the cross of Christ to any “deeper” truths. The cross is the pinnacle of theology. It is the clearest and greatest picture of God’s character. As Charles Spurgeon beckoned the church to “abide hard by the cross and search the mystery of His wounds.” John Calvin wrote, “When we behold the disfigurement of the Son of God, when we find ourselves appalled by His marred appearance, we need to reckon afresh that it is upon ourselves we gaze, for He stood in our place.”

Let us preach the Gospel to ourselves every day, and as we do this, Jerry Bridges says, “you continually face up to your own sinfulness and then flee to Jesus through faith in His shed blood and righteous life.”

Real repentance produces (5) fear. This word “fear” is the same word used in the gospels when people encounter an angel. It is the same word used of the disciples who saw Jesus walking on the sea in the late night, thinking He was a ghost. It is the same word to describe the awe of the disciples when Jesus stopped the storm with just a word, or the reaction of the crowds upon seeing one of Jesus’ miracles. In other words, this fear creates astonishment and respect which shakes us to our core.

Real repentance produces (6) longing, a passionate desire. A brush with the devastating effects of sin will often leave our hearts wide open, and deep, primal longings are exposed. Repentance brings about an awakened desire and a longing to redirect those desires toward the right things. God spoke through the prophet Jeremiah, “My people have committed two evils: they have forsaken me, the fountain of living waters, and hewed out cisterns for themselves, broken cisterns that can hold no water” (Jeremiah 2:13). This passage shows so clearly that first, people are very thirsty. We are designed to be satisfied by the Eternal God—the source of all satisfaction. Secondly, people are very foolish: we search in vain for what we can only find in God. We dig empty wells in a dry and weary land. Real repentance means that we redirect our longings to the only Well that can satisfy.

Real repentance produces (7) zeal, an excitement, a fervent spirit . . . a healthy jealousy towards a restored relationship with the Lord. Elsewhere in Scripture this word is used to speak of the vice of envy, but here, a virtuous jealousy. To Israel, the Lord called himself the Jealous God: “You shall worship no other god, for the Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God” (Exodus 34:14). God has a jealous longing for our undivided worship. When we truly repent, we have a jealous longing to make God our only god. We will begin to long for closeness to God with no competing idols.

Make no mistake: pornography is idolatry. Real repentance means that we identify our lust as idolatry, not just as a “problem” or “addiction.” According to Romans 16:18 and Philippians 3:19, there are many in the world, and even in the church, who have made their own appetites their god. This word “appetite” in these texts is translated “heart” in John 7, “If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture says, ‘Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water’” (John 7:37-38). An idol of pornography is an empty well. But Jesus offers living water. He alone can satisfy our deepest longings and cravings.

Finally, real repentance produces (8) punishment. In the original context, Paul was speaking to a whole community of Christians who were dealing with particularly shameful sins in their midst. Certain Christians had manifested unrepentant sinful lifestyles that brought shame upon the entire church. The community sought to use corrective church discipline to bring these problems under control.

Source - http://www.covenanteyes.com/blog/2008/06/18/repenting-of-porn-addiction-part-1/